and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So drunk its hurt
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
