After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
