So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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