And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
