it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
