Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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