I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
