There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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