Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
