I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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