dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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