He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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