I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
