One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize