The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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