Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
