Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
