Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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