i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize