i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
