he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Two words: blizzard sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
