dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
