I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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