I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
