last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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