I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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