my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
