He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
