Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if only i could text you this smell
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
