2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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