I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
