no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
