just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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