i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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