What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
