I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
