real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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