i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
