I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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