no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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