i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
