She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
