enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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