I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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