This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
