I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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