We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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