I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
