After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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