Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
