Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
