I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
