you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
