You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
