It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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