ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
