Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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