they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
