I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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