My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
