I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
