well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
