yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
