she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
