Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
