oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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