mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
