so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
