Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
