He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We are two peas in an std pod
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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