I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
