I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
