I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
