How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your tits are I can't wait for
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize