she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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