What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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