he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
