the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
