put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
