I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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